Trust the process; let it go

We have three hours before our feedback meeting with our client, and I’m a nervous wreck.  Which surprises me.  I love public speaking, I have filled up hour upon hour leading high school classrooms, and we are prepared.  What has gotten me so scared? The loss of control I feel over this upcoming meeting.

As we were preparing for our feedback meeting, we had lots of data.  I had so many ideas.  It would be so easy to compile all of the data into a nice neat package (I’ve done this thing so many times before) and give the client a list of all of my (I mean our) recommendations so they could run with it, safely behind doors that I have not been invited into after the conclusion of this project.  There, they could hash out the problems with our analysis, keeping their negative thoughts to themselves during the upcoming hour that’s not 2 hours and 50 minutes away.

But no.  That’s not how things are going to go down today.  Instead, I am facing a completely foreign process that I must simply trust in.  Trust the process.  Easier said than done.

First, I am going to have to willingly not share opinions and recommendations that I feel are just wonderful and the client would be lucky to have.  What if they don’t get anywhere close to coming up with these brilliant ideas themselves? What if they go in a completely different direction? What if they get off topic, miss the point, go down a rabbit hole? I am going to have to trust Block when he says that the client already has ideas how to solve its problem, and that anything they come up with themselves is going to have more commitment and motivation behind it than following anything I say.  They are closer to the problem themselves, so the best to enact solutions.

Second, we are walking away from sharing a lot of insights and themes I’ve noticed, boiling it all down to five points that we don’t just cover in an hour, we have time to discuss.  This is killing me.  My four page outline of over 20 themes may never see the light of day.  While we are sharing all relevant data, we will not be sharing all the ways we interpret it.  That’s up to the client, which brings me back to a lot of the same problems I outlined in my first point.

Next, we are actually going to create space and invite the client to express concerns, doubts, and fears! We even have a slide for it! This goes against every self-preservation instinct in my body.  As a student, my job was to get the answer right and be rewarded. As a teacher, my goal was to keep control of the classroom and cover the material.  As a parent, be loved and obeyed.  As a work colleague, respected and supported.  Block is asking me to step out of every comfort zone I’ve developed over my entire life.

Two hours and 32 minutes.

This whole thing just seems so….risky.  And I can be a wimp.

But here I go- stepping out into a process that promises reward while never once promising to reduce risk.  In fact, Block states in his Flawless Consulting Fieldbook and Companion that “a strategy to reduce risk is a strategy to reduce change.” (Block, p.14).  I am having to create a new conversation (Block, p. 270) by first taking myself out of it and making it a true dialogue rather than a monologue.  I’m having to enter into engaging with the client, which is scarier than just talking at them.  But I know now how much stronger the outcome will be if I do this, and how little chance anything will change for the client unless we engage in meaningful, authentic dialogue that invites all of their thoughts, fears, doubts, opinions, and strategies.  Their “doubts, reservations, and cynicism must be expressed publicly”  in order for them to gain internal commitment (Block, p. 267). This is how our expertise will be used.

I recognize my fears reflect Peter Koestenbaum’s identified four universal fears of becoming a fool (I’m going to be exposed for being incompetent) , being abandoned (no thanks, you’ll never be needed as a consultant), being assaulted (how could you say that to us?) , or going mad (why doesn’t everyone else see my point?) I also recognize that each of the clients and my fellow student consultants will be walking into the room in now 2 hours and 24 minutes carrying these same fears.  It’s my job to pay homage to them, as well as also value the the intelligence, care, and expertise each brings into the same room.

I’m not here to fix everything, and I am coming to terms with that.  Instead, it’s my job to engage.  Rather than running all the numbers and data through my head for the next 2 hours and 19 minutes now, I’m going to shower, relax, and focus on the positive attributes of the client and my partners, having faith that they and the process will take us to a place three hours and 18 minutes from now I never could have arrived on my own, even if I were allowed to be queen.  Even me.